Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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