loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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