I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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