I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
