I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
