Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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