Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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