So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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