I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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