**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
