Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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