An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
