Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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