sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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