finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
