is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
