I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
