so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
