i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
