I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
