Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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