There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
