You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
