apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
