Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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