Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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