My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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