If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im six kinds of drunk right now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
