i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I need to stop coming to work sober
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
