I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
