Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
zippers are such a cool invention
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
