It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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