We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
