I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
