Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
