i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
