Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
