Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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