im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
