the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
