never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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