the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
