I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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