i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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