Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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