i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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