his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
