I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
