Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can you repeat that, but with context?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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