I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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