I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
