Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
