Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
