I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
