It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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