Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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