Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
