Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
