He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
