i think i have herpe
just one?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she peed on how many people?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
