Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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